Termites, a Q&A session

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From the founder of Play-Termite we proudly present aQuestion & Answer session with Mound-Mate of the Month, Termite Queen Patty Pupa.

(Since Patty is still having larvae, I had to go to her for the interview. What was amazing was how she could keep laying eggs while answering the questions. What a Queen!)

Q: What do you look for in a mate, Ms. Pupa?
A: They have to be willing to die for me, basically. I have my pick of the reproductives, you know. I like a big, strong mate. He has to be aggressive. Yes, very aggressive. And fast, because I’m BUSY!! Other than that, I’m pretty receptive to anyone in the nest who’s a reproductive.

Q: How old were you when you became a Queen?
A: I was born a Queen, silly. I've never been anything but a Queen. See the Big Red Q on my abdomen? Oh, wait, that’s a stretch mark. Sorry, that’s an old Queen joke.

Q: How many kids do you have?
A: Too many to count, seriously. Three hundred generations? Look at my stretch marks. I've been distended for about a two decades. And I’m signed up for twenty more years too. Thank goodness I don’t have to name them all those kids. I used to, but then I thought what's the use? I name them and then never see them again, unless they’re reproductives.

Q: What is your favorite color?
A: My lack of vision isn't what it wasn't--that's a termite joke. I'd say I'm partial to dark gray or one of the lighter blacks. Dark black is too gloomy for me.

Q: What do you do when you have free time?
A: I pump out the eggs. There's not much to being a termite Queen really. You could do it, it's so easy.

Q: What is your favorite scent?
A: I love the smell of wood pulp in the morning. Sorry, but I couldn't resist that. Actually I prefer rotting bark to pulp, but that's me and I'm weird. At least that's what my king says.

Q: Termites have a pretty bad reputation. How can a home owner make sure their home is safe from you guys?
A: Wow, that's a tough one. I guess they could live in a rebar-lined cement box in the ocean. We can even chew through lead, you know. It just took a little while to pump up the jaws.

Q: I have to ask this one. If you were a tree, what kind would you be?
A: Oh, my goodness. What a thought! I'd want to be a tree without termites. I know that sounds terrible, but I've seen the damage a colony can do. It's not pretty. Not pretty at all.