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FAQ (Or: snappy Answers to Stupid Questions About Termites)

Q. Do termites make a lot of noise?

A. No, but their appliances sure do.
A. Only when they crank up their sub-woofers.
A. You don't want to get in a stereo war with one.

Q. When is the best time to get rid of termites?

A. After you find them.
A. Whenever the exterminator can get there.
A. Before they finish remodeling.

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Q. Do I have termites?

A. No, you have fleas. Your house has termites.
A. No, termites have you.
A. No, but I'd have those little winged ant-like things that are eating your wall checked out.

Q. Will termites hurt my dog or cat?

A. Only if they say something that really strikes your pet's nerve.
A. Yes, absolutely, if they're made from wood or paper.
A. Maybe, but now you have millions of new pets that you donít have to feed or walk.

Q. Are termites good to eat?

A. Only with a good curry.
A. It depends on how you define good.
A. If you like eating ants, you'll love termites.

Q. Are there any termite boy bands?

A. No, they're called larvae bands.
A. Yes, but the members are replaced when they're no longer larvae.
A. Yes, but girl groups are more popular.

Q. Do termites have holidays?

A. The way we celebrate New Year's Eve is the way termites celebrate Arbor Day.
A. They like Easter, mostly for the timber.
A. Two words: Christmas trees.


Q. I've heard termites can't see. If this is true, what is their favorite color?

A. Clear.
A. Dark.
A. Cloudy.

Q. Are termites really strong?

A. Compared to what?
A. No, their deodorant is really weak.
A. Only if you consider bench-pressing 5 times their body weight strong.

Q. Why do termites want to wreck my home?

A. Mostly because they're hungry.
A. They don't want to wreck your home. Termites are social insects and would never do that. They will eat the foundation of your house, however.
A. Because they already ate your neighbor's house, but not his home.
 

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